So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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