The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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