I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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