Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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