I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
