You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
