Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
do herpes really smell.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
