Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
no you cant smoke seaweed
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
