Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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