I want to have your abortion
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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