Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Randomize
