So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize