you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
