I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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