Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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