She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
