Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
