So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
