I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
