I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
