I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
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Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
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You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize