dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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