i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
