I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
