she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
