Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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