Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
