I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize