the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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