i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
