why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
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