His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
