You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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