True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
