I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
