your parents love me but you hate me
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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