Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
send nudes
from the living room?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
