Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
