How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I think a kid would responsible me up
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
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