Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
