I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
