He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
