Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I can text with my tongue
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
