I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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