Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i just google imaged poop.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
