He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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