sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
