Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
