You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
