My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I believe in your delicious
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
