Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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