Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
