dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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