Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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