I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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