So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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