What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
