He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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