There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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