I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
