Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
