btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
