The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
