have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
