Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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