New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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