the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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