note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
