no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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