she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
