a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
