Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
This is not my ceiling
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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