just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
