tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
