You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
