so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
