i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
