In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
