There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
you had me at cake vodka
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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