shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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