it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
