i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
