i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
