apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
