dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
