season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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